Rising Darkness Descending Fire – (1)

Foreword: Shalom Family! As promised here’s the remake of Children of the Comet. I present to you Chapter One of Rising Darkness Descending Fire. This opening is still like the original except with some extra additional details. Anyways, why don’t you go ahead and see for yourself.


Chapter One


A large full moon hung high in the night sky , casting its glorious sapphire rays over the slumbering Georgian suburb of Steel Crescent. As the clock neared 11 PM on a Friday night, one particular adolescent stirred and shifted restlessly as he sat crouched on the ledge of the bay windows of his bedroom. Sixteen year old Jayhan Allen had been up the entire night just staring out the window. His attention wasn’t focused on anything in particular aside from the largely empty streets which were illuminated by lanterns whose glows were dwarfed by  that of the dazzling celestial bodies up above; instead he was occupied by a series of thoughts that gathered above, before and around him like thick dark clouds heralding a torrential downpour. The past week had been a somewhat challenging one in more ways than he cared to relive. A week that he tried his utmost to put behind him, yet the events insisted on replaying themselves on a seemingly endless loop like a home movie that only he could see — Getting a D- on a physics pop quiz, a subject he detested with every fibre of his being and serving three straight days of detention for arriving extremely late to said class. It hadn’t even been a full month into the new school year and already his teacher Mr Dalian was on his case like a tick on a dog and he couldn’t figure out why. Even now he wondered how he mustered the strength to restrain himself from strangling the wretched middle-aged Caucasian man as they sat alone in the library after school Wednesday through today as he was made to do lines. I must not miss class 500 times. Although he did have his suspicions that the man maybe a closet racist given his origins in the notoriously redneck state of Alabama. But that was a whole different topic altogether. Speaking of racists, the scene from today’s sixth period History class sprung up like a bad weed, taught by another redneck he wasn’t too fond of, Mrs Fordham. The subject of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade, slavery and the slave rebellions, Lynchings, Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Movement had been brought up. Aside from the awkward glances that were shot in  his (and a few other classmates’) direction by the overwhelmingly Caucasian majority throughout most of the crooning lecture, he had gotten sent to the principal’s office after a particularly heated debate (more like a straight up cuss out) with another classmate. Zachary Cryer, a spoiled, arrogant, privileged white jock who made very disrespectful remarks about Civil Rights leaders Malcolm X and Rosa Parks that the Afrocentric in him  didn’t appreciate. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he was now persona non grata in the eyes of many of his classmates, particularly Mr spoiled Jock himself (who not only got away with a slap on the wrist whilst he himself was served up another heaping helping of detention for the whole of next week but) never passed up an opportunity to make covertly racist jokes and snide remarks whenever they passed each other in the hallways since.

Man, why does high school have to be such a freaking iron maiden. Jayhan’s comely visage grimaced at the the thought. At least the saving grace was,  his parents were away on business for a few weeks and they weren’t due back until the following Saturday, leaving him all alone for the first time. Heaven only knew they (especially his mother) would raise all nine circles of hell if they knew the trouble he had gotten himself into. Being that they were both Ivy League alumni, with a no-nonsense approach to education, this wasn’t something they would take kindly to. He shuddered to even think about it.

His thoughts then shifted as his mind ran on a mathematics assignment that was due the following Monday. He groaned mentally, deciding to put it off yet again. Like physics he held a severe disdain for Mathematics. Who doesn’t?

Outside, the moon began to gradually shift its course, it’s light now cascading through the windows bathing Jayhan’s lean, athletic, dark chocolate complexioned physique in its rich lunar rays, comforting him with a cool sensation that was largely nonexistent except maybe in his imagination.

Short film of bad memories aside, another contention that had been weighing on his mind suddenly sprung up to take their place. At least the scholastic tribulations were a more preferable diversion. A very disturbing image had been plaguing his dreams since he turned sixteen back in March. Even when he was awake he could still imagine it very vividly. He closed his eyes, zeroing in on it, dragging it from his subconscious. There it was. A vast metropolis, pristine, magnificent, glittering with it’s dazzling lights in the night. And he would either be perched on a high  point or simply floating over it. Then suddenly, the scene would change, and instead of a vibrant and lively  vista, a chaotic, incendiary and apocalyptic vision replaced it. Then he would suddenly be surrounded by these shadowed figures. Silhouettes of people. They felt familiar but at the same time they were estranged, he didn’t know them. And just like that, it would end. What does it even  mean? He pondered. While normally he wasn’t one to needlessly dwell on dreams, this one was certain going out of its way to make sure it had his undivided attention.

He opened his eyes and blew a short sigh before hopping off the ledge of the window. Stretching his arms above his head his eyes roved across the room. Even in the near darkness he could make out how spectacularly bland it was. The bare walls were coated with a faded red paint. The only thing that stood out was a nicely varnished queen sized mahogany four poster bed that sat against the western wall. Oddly enough he wasn’t feeling drowsy at all. Nonetheless, he resolved to call it a night. Sauntering across the room, he hopped into bed. Just when he had made himself comfortable, his blackberry which sat on his bedside table began ringing incessantly. A slight scowl formed on his otherwise expressionless face.
Who the hell could this be? He asked himself, though he wasn’t unused to receiving late night calls from time to time. As he reached for it, he wondered whether it was his parents calling to check in on him for the umpteenth time. It had become a daily ritual of theirs to call in at least five times. He exhaled a sigh of both apprehension and relief once he saw it was his best friend Fares. Fares and him had been friends since his freshman year and was the only reason he hadn’t completely lost his mind, so to speak.

“Yo man, what’s up?” His baritone voice answered rather casually.

“Hey man, I hope I didn’t wake you” Fares’ tenor voice responded cheerfully

“Uh, not really, I’ve been up for the whole night basically, can’t really sleep”

“Anyways, sorry to call so late, I got tied up with something, but I did say I’d call you” Fares said apologetically

“And like always you do keep your promises, he he” Jayhan smiled

“So how are you doing?, Dalian’s a real dick wad, huh?” Fares continued, his tone becoming one of concern

“Not too bad, considering. Not to mention I got detention for the whole of next week” Jayhan tried to remain as nonchalant as possible

“For what?” Fares sounded more upset than Jayhan should be

“You know about that little spat me and that douche Zachary had today?” Jayhan explained “Well, Mr School Celebrity got off Scott free and I got stuck with detention”

“Oh man,” Fares groaned “Yo, this is some straight up fuckery. Something needs to be done about that, seriously.”

“Believe me, I would, if I had the means to” Jayhan agreed. A moment of silence passed between the two.

“Listen, you feel like accompanying me on a little excursion tonight?” Fares asked finally.

“What do you mean? What sort of excursion?” Jayhan’s eyebrows furrowed.

“There’s this really cool party happening just out of town and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me!”

Jayhan was somewhat taken aback. “Um dude, it’s practically the middle of the night”. What the hell is he thinking?

“Yeah, I know,” Fares said sheepishly “But seeing as your folks are out of town, I was thinking it couldn’t hurt to kind of break out a little, you know? Misbehave, have a little fun? I mean after all the hell Dalian’s put you through this week, it wouldn’t kill to take a load off.”

Jayhan was not liking where this was going but he couldn’t deny it, the offer did seem tempting. And it’s not like the thought hadn’t crossed his mind before if only fleetingly. Of course he never had the opportunity to explore it, until maybe now.

“So what kind of party is this?” Jayhan inquired out of curiosity. I hope it’s not some lame jock soiree or any of that—-”

“Ah no no, this party is way cooler” Fares interrupted him “you see, it’s hosted by this really exclusive fraternity from Acier City University..”

“A college fraternity?” Jayhan said in a more sarcastic than disbelieving tone. He chuckled loudly. “Wow… And you got invited to this, how exactly?” His voice went a pitch higher.

“The man’s got connections.” Fares boasted lightly

“What sort of connections?” Jayhan pressed him, “I mean, we’re High School Juniors, and to most college kids we’re like grasshoppers in a world of giants. Just saying. Are you sure you didn’t get duped?”

“I overstand your skepticism my friend, but trust me, it’s legit.” Fares countered

“Ok, I believe you” Jayhan conceded, partially. “So what is this fraternity’s name anyway?, some cheesy cliché Greek name like Kappa Tau Gamma or Omega Psi Chi? What?”

“No Greek. The name of the fraternity is Brotherhood of the Queen’s Faithful”

Brotherhood of the Queen’s Faithful? What queen? Jayhan thought skeptically

Fares continued. “And since I’m allowed to bring at least one other person, you being my best friend, you were my first choice”

“How thoughtful of you” Jayhan remarked dryly.

“And the best part is, we’ll have a guest with us”

“Who?” Jayhan asked

“This gorgeous girl that just moved in next door to me a few days ago, her name is Julia. She’ll be starting school with us on Monday” Fares’ voice drawled in a very scandalous and lustful way. Jayhan couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

“And I suppose her parents are so laissez faire they’d let her go out to a college party in the middle of the night with a guy she barely knows” Jayhan scoffed

“Well… Um…. You see, they don’t know that per se” Fares said airily.

“You’re kidding.” Jayhan’s tone turned somewhat serious.

“I kid you not my friend” Fares laughed

Although common sense was exhorting him to cut the conversation short, another side of him grew increasingly intrigued.

“I’ll tell you what, Why don’t you and your lady friend go to the party instead,” Jayhan said “I would probably be a third wheel anyway. And besides I want no part of this delinquent escapade” despite his attempts at seriousness, the joking undertone remained evident as he spoke.

“Come on man, don’t leave me hanging. Join us” Fares continued to pressure him. “This is a golden opportunity. And besides, you’re gonna spend your Friday night moping and feeling sorry for yourself?”

Fares did have a point. “Fine, I’m in” Jayhan sighed in concession.

“That’s what I’m talking about, my man.” Fares said jubilantly as if he had just won the world cup. “Meet me by Kai’s Arcade in about an half an hour?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there” Jayhan agreed finally, ending the exchange.

Quickly hopping out of bed, he made his way across the room and flicked on the lights. Then he proceeded to dress himself. A few moments later, he stood before his mirror, attired in all black apparel (a close fitting V-neck shirt and an equally close fitting black jeans). After running the comb through his thick woolly hair and cropping it into a neat afro that framed his aristocratic face, he slipped on his favourite pair of black Reebok sneakers, grabbed his phone, keys and skateboard and was out the door.

As he cruised down the sidewalk on his skateboard, he took a glance upward at the gibbous moon. A slightly uneasy feeling coursed through him. Something did not feel right. Nonetheless he continued forward before rounding a right corner.

Some time later he found himself at the centre of the bustling metropolis of Acier Heights where the night life was in full swing. The suburbs long behind him. As his eyes darted from side to side, that uneasiness from before seemed to intensify. He wondered whether or not it was a good idea to even come out here. Or was he just getting cold feet.

He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, only to reopen them and exhale when he heard a familiar voice call out his name.

“Yo Jayhan”

He looked around quickly spotting a tall, dark olive complexioned boy with short curly locks, standing in front of a building that resembled a Rubik cube. He was clad in a yellow and black sweat shirt and black jeans. It was Fares, and he was in the company of a short, brown complexioned beauty with long, braided dark hair. She was a few shades lighter than Jayhan but definitely darker than Fares. She had to be none other than Julia. She wore a pink, diamond patterned tunic top with black leggings and black, knee-length, high heeled leather boots. A mixed look of relief and apprehension plastered across his face as he made his way over to them.

“Hey man you made it” Fares greeted him warmly as the two shared a hug and a fist bump.

“By the way, this is Julia” Fares continued, pointing at the strange girl.

Jayhan looked her over for a few short seconds. Fares wasn’t joking, she was quite the looker. Full lips, strikingly beautiful face, piercing  brown eyes, lovely hour glass shape. He couldn’t help but feel somewhat jealous.

“Hi nice finally meet you, Jayhan,” She said in a rather shy tone,

“Nice to meet you too” Jayhan responded awkwardly, shaking her hands. “So I hear you’ll be attending Acier High from Monday.”

“Yeah, Fares brought me along to familiarize myself with the place and get to know a few people” she said with a sudden surge of confidence, “He and I are already acquainted and now I’m meeting you. At least I know I won’t be a total stranger when I start school next week.”

Jayhan shot Fares a raised eyebrow before turning back to Julia

“Ok, cool” he said finally “well it’s great we’ll be seeing more of each other from now on then”

“Definitely” she remarked, before breathing a sigh “You know, I’ve never done anything like this before. This sneaking out in the middle of the night. This is so unlike me. It’s kinda terrifying but exciting at the same time.”

“Yeah you better be careful around this one, pretty soon he’ll have you robbing banks for him” Jayhan said jokingly pointing at Fares. They all laughed.

“Or the Federal Reserve, I haven’t decided yet” Fares bit back, to which they all exclaimed another roar of laughter. “Ok, guys, let’s get a move on” he said after the laughing subsided.

“Agreed” Julia said

Enthusiastically, the trio made their way up the street toward Fares’ black hummer. Jayhan placed his skateboard in the trunk and strapped himself in along with the others. A beat later, the engines were ignited and it was off down the road.

After nearly two hours of navigating through a sea of highway traffic the trio finally arrived at a secluded and vastly forested location far beyond the outskirts of the city. A single narrow road led in and out. It was in the wee hours of Saturday morning.

“Fares, where are we?” Julia asked just awaking from a short doze.

“Oh nice of you to rejoin the land of the living” Fares chuckled, “We are a long way from home.”

Julia growled, playfully punching his arm.

Loud music was blasting somewhere nearby which was later deduced as Beyonce’s “Crazy In Love” the further along the road the vehicle drove.

“Yo Jay, we’re here ” Fares called to the back seat where is friend jolted awake.

“Uhn” Jayhan groaned, he didn’t realize he too had dozed off. It seemed the drowsiness had finally kicked in after all.
“Damn, what time is it? And where are we?” he asked when he finally caught himself.

“We’re almost at the party” Fares said as the vehicle gradually decelerated.

They came to a halt at a spot populated by every model of vehicle, from sports cars to range rovers, pick-up trucks, the list was endless.

“Well, this is it guys, time to get our groove on” Fares remarked jovially as they disembarked the vehicle.

“that music is awfully loud” Julia groaned. She and Jayhan were still somewhat groggy from their long nap.

“Well duh,  we’re at a party, now come on let’s get a move on.” Fares teased in a pep-talkish fashion.

Jayhan let out a yawn and stretched, finally breaking the drowsy spell. Now that they were all alert, they sauntered off into the woods, with Fares leading Julia by hand.
Their trek was a relatively short one, ten minutes to be exact. By which time they arrived at a the edge of a small slope which cascaded into a huge clearing down  below which was bordered by a great lake further down. The turn out was quite impressive: older adolescents and young adults jumped and gyrated to the now playing  “Party Rock Anthem”. Another interesting sight was five large bon fires evenly spaced atleast 10 feet apart in a pentagonal formation right at the centre of the clearing.

“Jayhan, Julia, Welcome to the party of the Century!” Fares exclaimed in a tone of pure ecstasy.

Jayhan looked at his friend’s face. Fares had a dazed look in his eyes. It was as though he was suddenly under a spell. Jayhan was soon overtaken by an uneasy sensation. Whether it was anxiety or a bad sense of foreboding, he didn’t like the direction this night was heading, and he certainly didn’t appreciate the one  Fares or Julia were headed in either, who both for the matter ambled down the slope and into the crowd.

“Hey wait for me” He called as he hubbled after them. Navigating through a crowd of intoxicated, dancing college students was no easy feat. Aside from the high, musky stench of alcohol which emanated from them, not surprising as none of them were without a can or plastic cup of beer and God knows what other alcoholic beverage. About 7 times the most he narrowly avoided getting smacked in the face by wildly flailing arms and burned by one of the bonfires.

Before long he caught up with Julia and Fares on the opposite side of the clearing, right beside the lake. Both were in conversation with a tall brown haired, bespectacled, caucasian young man. He looked somewhere around his early to mid 20s.

“Oh there you are Jayhan” Fares said sheepishly, finally acknowledging his friend’s presence. “Jayhan I’d like you to meet Joshua Baronstein. He’s a good buddy of mine and one of the big brothers in this Fraternity.”

“It’s nice to meet you Jayhan,” Joshua said rather cordially, with a somewhat nerdy accent, extending his right hand. Jayhan could sense something was off about him and it wasn’t the fact that he had been drinking, as evidenced by the bud light can held in his left hand. No, it was just his whole aura, it was dark, twisted, malevolent. He couldn’t begin to explain it but he somehow got the feeling that Joshua was not someone to be trusted. Even so, he returned the young man’s gesture nervously all the while masking his apparent anxiety with a fake smile and a light nod.

“So I see you didn’t bring a date” Joshua continued,

“They are my date” Jayhan responded with a twinge of sarcasm, pointing at Fares and Julia, at which they all cackled loudly.

“Well I think we can fix that, I’ll be back in a minute” Fares said before disappearing back into the crowd.

Jayhan looked at a clearly confused Julia and shrugged.

“So, Joshua” Julia said, “this fraternity is called, Brotherhood of the Queen’s Faithful, right? So exactly what queen do you all pledge your allegiance to? If you don’t mind me asking”

Joshua smirked. “You’ll find out soon enough” he said darkly. It sounded almost like a threat.

“Oh, OK?” Julia remarked stiffly, her voice rang with an undertone of  timidity.

A few moments later Fares returned leading a tall, skinny blonde haired young woman by the hand. She looked no older than 19, and was clad in a skimpy, teal, two-piece outfit. In her left hand she held a can of red bull beer.
Jayhan’s eyes immediately widened as he looked her over, she had a rather disengaged look on her face. You didn’t need to ask whether or not she was high.

What the fuck? was the question running through Jayhan’s mind

“Jay, I’d like you to meet, Selena Alvers, she’s a freshman.” Fares said “Selena, these are my good friends Jayhan and Julia, and tonight, you’ll be Jayhan’s dance partner.”

“Um, Hi,” Julia said, waving nervously

“Oh, hey, whatever” Selena replied in a dismissive manner quickly directing her attention to Jayhan, looking him up and down “so you’re gonna dance with me or not?” it sounded more like a demand. Jayhan’s eyes widened further as he furrowed his brows. At that point, Party Rock Anthem had ended and Kelly Rowland’s Commander was now blasting all across the clearing.

“Aaah!!! I love this song” Selena screamed excitedly. Before Jayhan knew it, Selena grasped a handful of his shirt, and in a fleeting moment in which it seemed like this woman suddenly possessed  superhuman strength, she whisked him away into the crowd. Joshua, Julia and Fares quickly followed.

Being in the centre of the madness, Jayhan felt his inhibitions rapidly stripping away. Feelings of ecstasy and exhilaration jolted through him like electricity through power lines as he became a puppet of the melody. Selena’s gyrations captivated and aroused him in ways he’d never experienced nor any 16 year old boy should ever experience, at least not for another 2 to 5 years, but then again even preteens have done far raunchier and naughtier things.

Immediately following a few songs after that, the duo found themselves out of the clearing and all alone in the woods, locked in a hot make out frenzy.

Halfway through he noticed Selena was becoming a little too aggressive, trying to tear his shirt off. The impressive amount of alcohol in her system as evidenced by its high stench on her breath was clearly propelling her actions.

“Wait, hang on a second” Jayhan said, stopping her

“What?” Selena answered him impatiently.

“I’ve never done anything like this before” Jayhan said uneasily,

“Well, tonight is your lucky night. Not many high school boys can say they’ve hooked up with a college girl.” Selena said, her voice ringing with a tone of savage lust. She grabbed him, throwing him to the ground in a swift move and proceeded to straddle him.

“No, Stop!!!” Jayhan protested, pushing her off of him and quickly scrambled to his feet.

“Selena, listen to me” he continued “you’re drunk, ok? And this is not something you want to be doing, especially not in the state that you’re in right now”

“Ew, what the hell are you? My father?” Selena sneered at him, shooting him a rather nasty look “You mean to tell me, you’re gonna pass up an opportunity of a lifetime?, unbelievable!”

“Look, maybe it’s best we just go back to the party”

Selena reluctantly got to her feet and not long after, she was clutching her stomach, moaning. A few moments later she began vomiting and tumbled back to the ground.

“Selena!” he cried, rushing to her side. Propping her up against a tree, he proceeded to examine her face. Her pupils were dilated and her eyes darted wildly all over the place. She tried speaking but her words were so slurry he could hardly make out a thing she was saying.

Oh man, what the hell did Fares get me into? he cursed in his head.

He quickly but carefully laid Selena flat.

“Stay right here, I’ll go and get help.” were Jayhan’s final, panic laced words to her before taking off back to the clearing.

Moments later, he once again found himself navigating through the dancing multitude hoping to find Julia, Fares or even Joshua, or better yet, any of these party animals who wasn’t completely under the influence of alcohol. Though sadly, that wasn’t the case. Aside from the fact that neither of the aforementioned trio were anywhere in sight, everywhere he turned, disoriented, disconnected and utterly wasted faces greeted him. They looked like a horde of zombies. He even wondered if anyone had fallen into one of the bonfires , but judging from the utter moral decay before his eyes, his best guess was that, these cretins couldn’t care less if such a thing had happened. He continued his search nevertheless. When he came to a halt, the currently playing song “Don’t Stop The Music” by Rihanna had done likewise. At that moment a loud cheer went up from from the crowd.
Jayhan was at a loss.

What in the world is going on? he thought.

Suddenly a loud female voice echoed across the clearing

“Our beloved brethren, Hear me”

The crowd went silent.

Jayhan redirected his attention toward the source of the voice. Toward the far Eastern end of the clearing, upon an elevated platform, there stood a pale, dark haired young woman clad in a maroon gown. Behind her, stood at least  ten individuals clad in black hooded robes. Their faces were obscured.

The young woman continued her monologue. “For generations, our queen has anxiously awaited her resurrection.
This world as we know it has reached a point of reckoning. This era of peace and tranquility will shortly end and a new era will dawn. Tremble at her coming. But first, the gates must open, the seal must be broken and the path of her arrival must be sanctified in blood and fire. This world will end tonight and the fire of Tirania will raze the earth, killing all those who dare to oppose her rule and unleashing an age of perpetual

The silent crowd erupted once again with a frenzy of cheering and whooping.

Jayhan’s confusion intensified. What sort of sick, depraved nonsense is this woman yacking about? and who the bloody hell is Tirania?

Immediately his mind ran back to Joshua and what he said to Julia earlier.

‘Could this Tirania character be the queen this Fraternity was named for. The person they claim fidelity to? Was this Fraternity some crazy Pagan goddess worshipping cult? If so, how the hell are they allowed to exist at a university? And how the hell did Fares get caught up with these people in the first place?

He suddenly felt agitated and frightened, he was not liking this at all. He needed to get as far away from here as possible. He needed to find Fares and Julia and bail.

He began pushing his way back through the crowd and as he did, a severe chill ran up his spine, as though all the happiness had suddenly vanished from the world. A very sinister presence had suddenly descended upon the clearing.

“There walks amoung us this night, a very special child.” The woman continued ranting “a child within whose blood flows the power that destroyed our queen and in whose blood lies the key to her revival. And with his sacrifice, Tirania will once again walk in the land of the living”
Soon that chill that overtook him was replaced by a stinging hot sensation. Like hot magma was suddenly coursing through his veins.

“What the hell is this?” he groaned under his breath as he collapsed to his knees and then flat on the ground, writhing in agony. The crowd around him began to gradually disperse and some minutes later, he found himself all alone and coincidentally at the centre of the bon fires and the strange young woman was standing over him.

Jayhan looked up at her. The evil that lurked behind her eyes and all over her face was unreal. He then took a quick glance around him. Her ten hooded companions had assembled themselves in a circle around them.

“Hello, Jayhan Allen” she said to him in a sinister, yet soft sugary voice. “With the life of this child, we praise Tirania! All Hail Tirania” she said, this time returning her attention to the crowd around her who in response yelled

“Hail Tirania”

Jayhan wanted with all his heart to believe everything that was happening was part of some cruel joke, or better yet, it was a nightmare. But neither desired scenario could explain the ever intensifying pain that continued to grip his body. It was all very real no matter how much he wished otherwise. But why, why him? Why was any of this happening? Is this what his best friend invited him here for? To be some crazy cult’s sacrificial lamb to some weird pagan deity.

As fear gave way to fatalistic hopelessness, Jayhan seemed to gradually acquiesce to the very real possibility that this may very well be his last night in the land of the living. A single tear suddenly ran down his cheek as thoughts and memories raced backwards in his mind.

The pale, red gowned woman was suddenly armed with a weird looking silver dagger, her attention now returned to him. Fully fixed and unflinching was her murderous gaze as she raised the dagger above her head, the crowd around her chanting in a mad frenzy egging her on to commit her evil deed.

Jayhan closed his eyes, preparing himself for what seemed like the inevitable. His pain intensified yet again, forcing him to open his eyes which then beheld something truly frightening. And no, it wasn’t the dagger that was bearing down upon him. No, it was the sky. It was rapidly turning a bright scarlet.

His body began to glow. He let out a  loud ear piercing yell, propelled by his unabating agony. Moments later, a loud nuclear class explosion erupted, sending a gigantic mushroom pillar of smoke and fire ascending into the heavens……..


5 thoughts on “Rising Darkness Descending Fire – (1)

  1. Kushite Prince

    “He opened his eyes and blew a short sigh before hopping off the ledge of the window. Stretching his arms above his head his eyes roved across the room. Even in the near darkness he could make out how spectacularly bland it was. The bare walls were coated with a faded red paint. The only thing that stood out was a nicely varnished queen sized mahogany four poster bed that sat against the western wall. Oddly enough he wasn’t feeling drowsy at all. Nonetheless, he resolved to call it a night. Sauntering across the room, he hopped into bed. Just when he had made himself comfortable, his blackberry which sat on his bedside table began ringing incessantly. A slight scowl formed on his otherwise expressionless face.
    Who the hell could this be? He asked himself, though he wasn’t unused to receiving late night calls from time to time. As he reached for it, he wondered whether it was his parents calling to check in on him for the umpteenth time. It had become a daily ritual of theirs to call in at least five times. He exhaled a sigh of both apprehension and relief once he saw it was his best friend Fares. Fares and him had been friends since his freshman year and was the only reason he hadn’t completely lost his mind, so to speak.”
    Very well written! Can’t wait to read chapter two. I’m sure your book will be out soon.lol Keep up the great writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Onitaset

    Sorry I missed this. You’re very masterful. At first I thought it started slow and you added a lot more detail than you needed to (like names of people in school) but after I finished I was thoroughly impressed and realized you really crafted a surprise ending. I didn’t understand some things–like how a +1 became a +2, but outside of those things, this was a really good read. I could say though that a lot of the beginning could be either shortened or put in the middle. Only because you want to grab the reader right away and the beginning is too heavy to grab them. I feel like we’re first grabbed in the dialogue with Fares; but most grabbed at the end and after the makeout.

    Although, gotta admit, can’t makeout with no cracker. :-\ {not trying to spoil the read though.}

    Thanks man! Will go to Chapter 2 later.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s